CHAPTER THREE

Yesterday’s victim is tomorrow’s monster.

New Delhi. There was something about this city that drew her like a magnet. She didn’t particularly like the city. Its pollution, traffic and insecurity for women irked her. But it’s the city’s rush that was endearing to her. She could comfortably be a ‘nobody’ in this city. Invisible even. No one gave a damn what she did. No one judged. She did not have to sneak to do harmless things like watching a movie at the theatre, making plans with friends or roaming around just for the heck of it. All of these actions were a taboo in her island town, Andaman Islands; where, everybody knew everybody. Where, she was not Lilian first. She was first the priest’s daughter. She had to be the perfect role model for the congregation of her parish. Hence, in her native town Port Blair, she was the organ playing, soprano singing, aptly dressed, academically over-achieving, extra spiritual, geeky, ultra silent kid sitting in the first row with a big, fat Bible and fatter glasses. But she loved her island. She loved its silver sand beaches, the unannounced rain showers, the vast stretches of lush greenery that looked like stolen treasure from the Amazons, the air quality and the peace that is more often than not taken for granted. She often wondered how amazing it would be if she could combine her island’s serenity with Delhi’s freedom. She sadly reminisced her lost independence. Six months ago, she was a landscape Architect in the capital city. She wished to explore the field before pursuing masters in it. She vividly remembered that doomed day, when she said yes to an arranged marriage.

‘He’s the son of a priest. He will be perfect for you.’ Her father’s stubborn voice resonated from inside the cellphone.

‘Not now, Appa. Give me just two more years. I wish to establish my own firm before getting married.’

‘You have been saying two years since the last four years, Lily!’

‘Just two more, Appa. I will only be twenty six by then.’

‘Is there someone in your life? Just tell us, please! Instead of turning down every good alliance. If there’s someone, tell us, we will get you married to him, even if he’s not a Christian. Just that the marriage will take place in the Church only.’

‘Appa, there’s no one in my life. I promised you before leaving for Delhi that I will marry the person you choose for me. Just give me two more years. That’s all I ask. For my career, Appa.’

‘You already earn well, what more do you want? If you keep chasing your career, your marriageable age will be long gone. You can always pursue it after marriage. Just meet him tomorrow, Lily.’

‘But Appa’

‘That’s not a request.’

‘Okay, Appa. As you wish.’ She said, resignedly disconnecting the call.

Her ‘as you wish’ now weighed hard on her, like a Pandora box hanging by a clinking chain around her neck, threatening to drown her anytime now.



‘Are you drunk?’ she asked, as Joshua brushed past her, staggering, while she locked the gates behind him.

‘Absolutely not!’ he slurred. His bloodshot eyes gave him away without a doubt.

‘Shhh...Keep calm or Athai and Mama will know that you’re drunk!’

‘Okay…I am calm.’ He says dramatically, walking with his arm resting on her shoulder, leaning heavily on her, towards their room.

‘Why do you drink so much? You know you can’t take more than a few pegs! Drink up to your limits!’

‘Wifey!’

‘Shh…don’t shout!’

‘I am not a good husband to you, right?’ He asks, seating himself on the floor, his head resting on her lap.

She was silent. She did not want to touch him. She placed her hands on her sides on the bed instead. She realized she never fell in love with the person she married. She rather pitied him tonight. What a sad life he must lead, she wondered. Nobody really loved him in this world, she thought. If his mother loved him, she would have taught him good morals instead of seeking happiness at the cost of his miserable marital life. His dad. She didn’t know what kind of a father he has been to him. She realized how little she knows about him. She wondered why he was a monster.

‘Why are you so silent, wifey?’

‘Were you close to your dad as a child?’ She knew she can’t ask these questions when he is sober.

‘I hated daddy. I hated everything about him. My elder sister and I had even planned to kill him once, when we were kids.’ He chuckled sadly. ‘He hit us both so badly over such petty issues which were not even worth counting as issues.’

‘Like what?’ she probed.

‘Like, there was this time, during summer vacation, my elder sister and I plucked mangoes from the neighbour’s tree. I know it was our mistake. He could have reprimanded us orally or asked us not to repeat it again. Instead…instead…he hung us upside down, hit us black and blue with his belt and made us inhale red chili flakes while hanging upside down, wifey. He hit us until the neighbours came running to stop him! I was just ten years old and Aqqa was thirteen!’

She could feel his tears moisten her thighs through her cotton pants, as he wept softly digging his face into her lap.

The problem with being empathetic is that you feel sorry for monsters too.

She shut her eyes tightly feeling the pain of a ten year old boy being beaten up brutally. She realized that the child was scarred for life. Candidly, she ran her fingers through his hair, trying to console that hurt child inside the monster that he has become.

‘Your mom never stopped your dad when he hit you both?’ She asked, trying to comprehend the behaviour of a twisted family.

‘No. For my mom, my dad is god. She will not move a finger against his wishes or say a word against him. Whatever he does is correct in her eyes.’ He said proudly.

‘But isn’t it the wife’s duty to let her husband know when he is wrong and the husband’s to do likewise for his wife? Aren’t they supposed to be a team?’

There was silence in the room for a few seconds. She realized she has been holding her breath, awaiting his reply.

 He slowly looked up from her lap, maintaining eye contact, a clever smile appeared on his lips, curving them in the corners.

‘I might be drunk like a camel, Lily; but I am not stupid. You think you can manipulate me, you evil woman?’ He says, gritting his teeth, his fingers tightening at her thigh. ‘Mother was right. You are just a little, manipulative, bitch. For an instant I thought I could love you. But the truth is, no one can love you.’

She shrieks as his nails dig deeper into her skin.
‘Let me go. I was just trying to understand you, Josh’ she pants.

She wriggled to get out his hold. But soon realized it was futile to even try. He was too strong for her petite frame.

‘My sisters were right too. You are just here to create rifts in the family.’ His bloodshot eyes now dilating with anger.

‘Nooo. You got me all wrong. I was just – I was just saying - that marriage is a partnership; wherein both partners are equal - and have equal say in all matters.’ Shutting her eyes tight, she almost screamed, ‘Would you just let me go so we can have a decent conversation for once?’

‘To answer your question, it is the wife’s duty to shut up and let the husband decide for himself and for the family. Hey, you are a priest’s daughter, you should know this verse from the Bible.’ He says, his fingers now finding their usual place between her legs. ‘Just like Christ is the head of the Church, a husband is the head of his wife and family.’ He continued, his fingers obtruding immense pain, causing her legs to shiver because of the insufferable degree of infliction.


Battered, naked, curled up in fetal posture, hugging her knees tightly, praying for the pain to stop, she wept softly into her thick wad of hair now sticking to her wet face.

From where she lay, at the far corner of the queen size bed, she could see the satisfied smile on Joshua’s face as he dressed himself in front of the wardrobe mirror. Pulling his track pants up, he turned around to examine the shoulder wing muscles that he has been working on lately. Carefully inspecting the angles of his chest next, he pulled over a tee-shirt absently, his attention now settling on his gelled hair.

‘I have to hit the gym. It’s five already, why are you still on the bed? Go wash yourself, get dressed and get into the kitchen.’ He says, stuffing his resistance bands into his gym bag.

‘NOW!’ He shouts, alarming her.

She slowly unwinds, her body burning and aching at multiple places. She could hear the jingle of his bike keys stop abruptly as the sound of his Yamaha RX 100 being kick started pierced the tacit early morning air.

As she stood in front of her wardrobe mirror, the woman in the mirror stared back at her with an expressionless face. Lilian looked at herself from head to toe, her eyes halting shortly at the bruises.

“These scars will remain for life, Lily. Just a gentle reminder that you will always be mine. Whenever you see them, you will remember the lessons you have learnt.”

Anger egressed in the pit of her stomach like fire.

‘You have such flawless skin. It glows naturally. Why don’t you try modelling?’ Her senior in college, Priya had once told her, encouraging her to walk the ramp that year.

Look at me now. How flawless I am. Her once enticing curves were long gone. What remained of her was a bag of bones.

A rush of rage blinded her as she screamed and punched the metal almirah. She did not even wince at the instant pain in her knuckles.

She inspected the carefully placed bruises that would not peek outside her clothing. She touched her hair, lost in thought. She twisted it in her fingers, disgusted at how the soft waves fell below her waistline.

‘Don’t cut your hair. A woman’s beauty is in the length of her hair.’ The well-repeated words of her father echoed in her head.

She parted the hair behind her right ear to inspect the wound from where he pulled a bunch of her hair last night. Trying hard to take a look at it, tilting her head sideways, she yelled in frustration.

Annoyed, she searched for scissors in the drawers like a mad woman searching for sanity. Grabbing the scissors, she walked back to the mirror with anger ablaze in her eyes.

Beauty, huh? Appa?

The tinkerbell in her head sat up in her pod.
'Woah! Lil! You really gonna chop them off?’
‘Hell yes, I am gonna chop them off!’
‘Really? What will your doting husband Joshua say?’
‘Do I look like I care?’
‘Okayy...what will Appa say?’

She just didn’t care anymore. She raised her scissor to the bottom of the mane, timidly grazing it an inch. It felt great. A tiny smile appeared on her lips.

You both men! You who decide my fate! You want hair on my head, don't you?! CUT! It defines me as a woman? CUT! So, I am not feminine if I don't grow my hair? CUT!

The hair now just above her shoulder, she raised the scissors to cut it further. A sense of strange joy filled her heart.

Still wearing a smile on her face, she entered the shower.



Dear Diary,

The feeling you get when the chopped bair hits the tiled floor with soft thud thuds! The peaceful sound that metal makes as it cuts! With each strand, I sliced away my problems, my fear, my depression and all my worries. I feel light as a feather now.

I will not be the good girl to Appa anymore.

If Joshua touched me, I will kill him in his sleep tonight.

Xoxo,
Superwoman.

DIVORCE : Chapter Two

CHAPTER TWO : 

Please me on the bed BECAUSE you are a woman.

She avoided eye contact with Joshua, as they were finishing dinner. She knew he’d motion her to get to bed. She was more than tired today. All she wished to do tonight was to curl in on a chair, at the porch, with a good book and a bowl of nachos. She had already kept the book and nachos ready, well hidden behind the rice sack. She need not go back into the bedroom to fetch the book. She slyly smiled to herself at that thought, still cleverly avoiding his signals. Since her father-in-law was a Priest, they were living in the Church quarters attached to the Church; hence the porch was actually the Church’s. She knew for a fact that he wouldn’t create a scene in front of the Church, within the direct visibility frame of their neighbours.

Around midnight, she sensed a silhouette behind her.

‘Get inside or I will lock you out.’ Joshua growled standing at the screeching gate.

‘Just one more chapter, Josh. I’ll be inside in ten minutes.’ She says, flashing him an appeasing smile.

She could see that he was seething with rage because she had made him wait. Sighing, she tucked in the bookmark, uncoiled and followed him back inside, feeling like a lamb walking towards the slaughter house. She hated her bed. She hated every inch of it.

‘Undress.’ He commanded, unbuttoning himself.

‘Josh, not tonight. I am tired.’

‘You think you are smart?’ He grabbed her chin, pressing her against the wall. ‘You thought I wouldn’t do anything to you if you sat at the porch? Try that one more time, I dare you.’ He threatened.

‘I didn’t think anything of that sort.’ She gasped, lying, trying to push his hand away in vain. ‘I was just reading a book!’

‘I threw away all your books, did you buy books again?’ His fingers tightened at her jawline, threatening to crush them.

‘My friend sent it to me for my birthday at Amma’s address. Please, Josh. Leave me.’ She pleaded helplessly.

‘Who is this friend that I don’t know of?’ He questions, his eyebrows raise as did her body, few inches off the floor.

‘Momo.’

‘Momo who? Are you making up names now? You wannabe writer!’ He smirked, malice sprinkled all over his face.

‘Momina. She’s a friend from college. I have told you about her! Now, will you please let me go?

You’re hurting me!’ She slapped his hand lightly to make her point.

‘You don’t know the H of hurt…yet.’ He laughs. He releases her jaw and swiftly grabs her breast, turning off the lights in quick motion, his other hand settles back on her lips, stifling her in an attempt to discourage her from shrieking.

‘Now you will discover the real meaning of Hurt, dear Lily.’

Her name sounded ugly when he said it. She knew it was the doomed night again. The night of punishments.

As his hands squeezed at her breasts harshly, she stayed still; not allowing herself to weep; to not give him that satisfaction of having hurt her.

‘I asked you to undress, didn’t I?’ He grumbles, tearing her night shirt off her body. The sound of ripping cotton and the hum of the ceiling fan was all that could be heard in that room. He pushes her on the bed roughly. She stays still. She could feel her emotions go cold. She could feel herself hardening up. There was no noise in her head now. No dialogues asking her to fight back. Even her thoughts left her alone tonight.

He quickly unclothes himself and tugs at her pants.

‘Don’t just lie there like a robot. Fight back. You know how I like a good fight.’ He sneered. ‘Come on, my tigress, resist.’ His rape fetishes were bubbling up to the brim. She could sense a brutal night closing in on her.

‘Oh! So, you think you are that smart?’ He hisses, angrily pinching her all over the body, peeling the delicate skin at places. 

She just lay still. Eyes shut tightly, hands crumpling the bed sheet with a newfound vigour as she disallowed herself to make a single sound. Warm tears escaped the corner of her eyes as his fingers found the most delicate part of her insides. I am not gonna beg you to stop tonight, you devil. Let me see how big of a monster you can be.

‘You know that I will not stop, Lily.’ He grunts, his hands making way towards her face, and stops midway.

 ‘No. I will not touch your face. Your parents are visiting tomorrow.’ He says, almost to himself, lifts his body from above her and walks away.

She was breathing heavily, silently sinking the pain of her burning body. 

I wish I was dead this instant. I wish I never obeyed you, Appa. I wish I was not the good daughter that I have been to you. I just wish I ceased to exist right now.

Fresh batch of tears gushed out her eyes as she tried to press her legs together. 

Jesus, please have mercy on me! Where are you, when I need you the most?!

 She knew it wasn’t over yet. She could hear him rambling from closet to closet. 

‘Where did you keep the nail cutter, Lily?’ 

Fear gripped her insides at that question. She was silent.

‘I asked you a question.’ He raised his voice.

Her silence fueled his anger furthermore. As she heard her vanity box clicking open, she knew she would be half-dead tonight.

Cuts, bruises, tears, peels, burns and pain adorned her body the next morning as she sat on her bed with her head hung down, staring at the toenails that were brutally clipped deep last night. She could hear her mother-in-law shuffling through her wardrobe.

‘Wear this.’ Her mother-in-law demanded, throwing a high collar kurta on her lap.

 Lilian touched the fabric reminiscing how happy she was the day her father bought this kurta from Rangoon for her to wear it for interviews. You wouldn't have thought this will hide my wounds one day, Appa. She chuckled sadly.

‘What are you smiling at?’ her mother-in-law questioned, with a hand on her hip, moving her lips horizontally to adjust her fake teeth inside her mouth.

‘Nothing Athai. I’ll wear it. When are Appa Amma coming?’ She asks calmly.

‘They will be coming for lunch. You dare not open your filthy mouth.’ She instructs, her eyes bulging out as a threat.

‘You are a woman too, Athai. You know what he did to me.’

 She tries to seek out any mercy in the abyss of this woman’s heart.

Inching closer to Lilian’s face, the older woman says, ‘You will have to please him on bed, Lily; because you are a woman.’ 

She watched her walk out of the bedroom with her head held high. She could see that she was pleased with her son, now that he has expressed his ‘masochism’. 

 

Even the soft cotton could not fondle her wounds today. Painfully pulling down her kurti, she looked at the girl staring at her from the mirror. She couldn’t recognize the person she has become. The once rebellious Lilian was long gone. She felt hollowness settle inside her chest. A strange calmness overcame her. The kind of calm that sets in on the exterior before you break down completely. She checked to see if any wound was exposed outside the clothing; with a huge sigh she leaves her room as she hears her dad’s faint laugh in the drawing room.

‘Your parents are here, dear.’ Joshua announces in a pacifying drawl in the hallway, within her parents’ earshot.

Acknowledging him with a reluctant smile and a nod, she beams widely as her eyes find her dad smiling at her.

‘How’s Mike? Why didn’t he come along?’ she enquires about her brother, perching herself on the arm of the wooden chair on which her father was seated.

‘He has just joined a new job last week. They keep him busy.’ Her mother replies. 

‘So, is my daughter troubling you all too much?’ Father asks, his question directed at Lilian’s husband and parents-in-law.

‘No, no. She has been such an obedient girl.’ The father-in-law responded, his smile half hidden beneath his dyed thick south Indian moustache. 

‘We were just discussing about her work.’ Joshua began.

 Lilian’s father could sense the tension in the room. 

‘What about her work? She is still practicing at her office here, right? And when are you both planning to shift to Delhi, as planned before the wedding?’

‘No, mama. I am not willing to shift to Delhi. I cannot abandon my parents here and chase my career in Delhi.’

Lilian shifted uncomfortably in the arm of the chair. Just as she stood up to shift to the chair next to her father, her mother-in-law motioned her to get into the kitchen. She wanted to hear how this conversation in the living room went. So, with one ear still within earshot, she slowly walked towards the kitchen.

‘Who is going to make tea for your parents?’ The mother-in-law hissed.

‘I will, Athai.’ She says, glaring back at her.

In Lilian’s head, Tinkerbell was now pacing back and forth restlessly in her pod. ‘I will? Seriously, Lil? Don't you have a backbone? Your oarents are here, these people can't touch you right now! Can't you give your mother-in-law a piece of your mind?' she shrieked, with aggressive hand motions accompanying her sentences.

‘I just wish Appa convinces them to let me shift to Delhi alright? I don't wanna mess things up!' Lilian consoles herself with that thought justifying her cowardly actions.

‘Don’t you think it is better if the kids are right in front of our eyes?’ She could hear her father-in-law’s deep voice voicing his opinion on the matter.

‘Also, if they move out and become too successful, they will forget their roots.’ Mother-in-law continued, supporting her husband. ‘Children are like trees. If we keep nipping them in the bud, they will flourish horizontally and never leave the ground. But once we let them grow tall, we can never bend them to our standards.’ She finished with a satisfied toothless grin.

As Lilian watched the tea foaming up in the kettle, she knew this silence in the other room is her father’s anger effervescing up to form words.

‘Why do we need to bend the tree at all? Didn’t we give birth to them to watch them grow? Also, with all due respect, dear sister, only bushes are nipped, trimmed and pruned. If my child is meant to be a tree, no amount of nipping shall contain her. And I know my daughter, she is definitely a tree; because I am the one who watered her roots.’

Tears threatened to slide down as she heard her father’s calm reply. Brushing it off, pulling down the sleeve to hide the nail cutter’s incision on her right forearm and with all the chambers of her heart replete with love for her father, she poured the tea in cups and walked out of the kitchen with a smile hinting at her lips.

DIVORCE : A TABOO

This is the story of an ordinary girl, Lilian. Her journey. Her struggles. Her joys. Her dreams. Her longing for happy endings. Her weak moments and her ferocious comebacks.


CHAPTER ONE

08th March 2015: Her Birthday: The day she wished she was never born.

‘Did you ask for Mom’s permission to retire for the night?’ He blocked her way at their bedroom door after a long evening in the kitchen.

‘What?!’ her confused eyes met his steely glare. She knew another episode of inevitable violence was about to begin. But she was not breaking tonight. She would stand her ground.

‘Why should I take permission from anybody to go to MY bedroom?’

‘Mom and dad are the heads of this house. Haven’t you noticed me seeking my dad’s permission every time I leave the house? Likewise, you have to ask mom. Now, go.’

The last two words in his sentence were delivered with supreme command. And the second thing she hated the most, first being Chetan Bhagat’s novels, was being told what to do; being commanded.

‘I am not going anywhere. I am tired and I am going to sleep now. It’s quarter past eleven for Christ’s sake!’

She says firmly and takes a brave step to walk past him. His muscular arm on the bedroom doorframe now swung swiftly at her shoulder, harshly thrusting her out of the door.

‘I said, GO.’ He stared her down. His dusky, well-sculpted face now displaying dominance.

The rebellious little Tinkerbell woman in her head stirred from slumber. She half-yawned, half-laughed as she witnessed Lilian’s pathetic condition.

'Just punch him on the face, Lil.' She laughs, now lying flat on her stomach, resting the face on the back of her palms, one on the other.

'I would have, if he wasn’t my husband.' Lilian clenched her fists.

'Oh, just punch him. He’s just a husband, not God.' She laughs yet again, cupping her chin in her hands, her cute little horns holding up her halo.

‘Just let me inside, Joshua. I am dead tired. I just finished cooking and doing the dishes after serving fifty people. It’s my birthday for crying out loud and I didn’t even want a party.’

‘You may sleep out on the road for all I care. But you’re not entering MY bedroom if you didn’t make my mother happy.’ He smirked. 

His tall, muscular, gym trainer body was blocking 90% of the 900 millimeter door. She knew it was futile to argue with his thickhead and she had a long day ahead. He knew she was excited about this new project. It was her first resort project with an amazing client who gave her ultimate design liberty. She was to survey the 10 acres site tomorrow which was an hour’s ferry ride away. But she didn’t want to say the word ‘please’ tonight. She turned towards her mother-in-law’s bedroom and out of the corner of her eyes, she could see him moving away from the door towards their bed.

 'To hell with his commands, just go for it, Lil.' Her alter ego now cheered her excitedly, punching her tiny fists in the air. 

With an evil grin, Lilian turned around, broke into a run, dashed past him in lightning speed, grabbing the towel on the way, into the bathroom. 

Heavy thuds were raining on the bathroom door. She was singing loudly, ignoring the commotion, like a queen. 'Am I going crazy?' She wondered. Tears streaming down, even before water strands landed on her already wet cheeks, she sang. 

There’s a fire starting in my heart. 

Reaching a fever pitch and it’s bringing me out the dark

‘You better open the door or you’re dead meat tonight.’ Joshua hollered.

Finally I can see you crystal clear

Go ‘head and sell me out and I’ll lay your ship bare

 ‘You think you are so smart? You will have to come out eventually, right?! Let’s see how long you can be in there.’

See how I leave with every piece of you

Don’t underestimate the things that I will do

There’s a fire starting in my heart

Reaching a fever pitch and its bringing me out the dark

As tears gushed out, the grief was uprooting from the pit of her stomach. She could feel her hollow insides being squeezed for more tears. Not today, please. She pleaded in her head. But she’d not let herself beg him tonight. I just want to sleep peacefully for one damn night. Her eyes shut tightly, she sat under running shower for minutes together.

' You are not going to sit at his feet tonight.' Her alter ego reprimanded her in her head. 'You are not going to submit yourself to his fetishes. He is not touching you tonight, Lil. I will fuckin’ kill him if he does. It’s your birthday, Lil!'

 She lost track of time, sitting on the cold bathroom floor, head resting on the wall, water tracing her lean, dusky body. She stood up with determination and got dressed. Pressing an ear on the door, she tried to listen to gauge his current activity. There was complete silence but the bedroom lights were not out yet. She could sense that he was still awake. Like a predator waiting for his prey. Naked. On their desecrated marriage bed, carved of Padauk, the finest wood on the island, that her dad gifted them on their wedding. 

'Why did you do this to me, Appa? I trusted you with the biggest decision of my life. Why did you give me away to a monster? I am scared of stepping out of the bathroom, Appa. I am scared of the things he does to me on the bed you gifted for us to be happy.'

Spreading the towel on the bathroom floor, she curled herself on it, gearing herself for an uncomfortable night ahead. 

It was four in the morning. Stealthily, she unlatched the bathroom door and cautiously stepped inside the bedroom. Joshua’s heavy breathing could be heard over the ceiling fan’s hum and the realization that he’s asleep washed a fresh wave of relief over her. Dropping the towel in the laundry bag, she tiptoed her way out of the bedroom towards the kitchen, silently grabbing her phone from the night stand. Mentally preparing a time table for the day, she proceeded to begin cooking for six people’s breakfast and lunch. She has to finish the chores early today, so that she has time for some homework. She planned to Google extensively about resort design, for small talks with her client today as she cannot freak him out by disclosing the fact that she has never designed a resort before. Adele cooing inside her ears through her earphones, she finished cooking around seven and walked nonchalantly back towards the bedroom with a steaming mug of tea for Joshua. Her mind was so full of her hypothetical conversation with her client that she totally forgot the previous night’s episode. 

As she entered, the mug slipped from her hand, spilling all over her, searing her skin, as she rushed to stop him. Her laptop was beyond her reach in his hands, up high in the air already. Before she could move any further, he swung it across the room, at the wall and they both watched it shatter mercilessly within nanoseconds. 

‘NOOO’ she screamed and ran to pick up the pieces. 

‘You monster! All my life’s work is in this laptop.’ She cried harder than ever. Her voice thickening with each sentence. ‘My parents bought this for me with their hard earned money.’ She was not a loud crier. But this broke her. She howled, more than she wept. It felt like the end of the world. 

‘You need not work anymore.’ He says calmly looking down at her, staring her in the eye, with no remorse whatsoever.

‘Who are you to decide that?’ She screamed at him. 

‘I am your HUSBAND.’ He screamed back, wagging a thick index finger at her, his tee-shirt tightening at his flexing bicep.

‘Did you give birth to me? Did you dream of my future? Did you pay for my studies working over time? Did you? DID YOU?’ Her voice now shrill and unbearable. 

‘What’s happening here?’ Joshua’s mother entered, pushing the door wider. ‘What drama is she creating now?’ she asks Joshua, eyeing Lilian slumped on the floor with the remnants of her broken laptop. 

‘I just asked her to stop working, mom.’ Joshua shrugged and sat himself on the chair near her worktop. 

‘It has been three months since you both got married and you’re not pregnant yet.’ His mom hissed, walking towards Lilian. ‘Prioritize. Work is not important right now. First, give me a grandson, then you do whatever you want. You get that?’ she asks, leaning in to look into her eyes. 

‘He broke my laptop.’ A feeble voice escaped her lips as she continued staring at her laptop like it was her baby. Dead baby. It was as though she lost her voice after all the screaming. Body drenched with sweat, her face wet with tears, her tired eyes slowly looked up at them both, one at a time.

‘It’s just a laptop. Get over it. Stop creating a scene now. Go get my blue sari and iron it quickly. I have to preach at Women’s Prayer Meeting at ten.’