CHAPTER TWO :
Please me on the bed BECAUSE you are a woman.
She avoided eye contact with Joshua, as they were finishing dinner. She knew he’d motion her to get to bed. She was more than tired today. All she wished to do tonight was to curl in on a chair, at the porch, with a good book and a bowl of nachos. She had already kept the book and nachos ready, well hidden behind the rice sack. She need not go back into the bedroom to fetch the book. She slyly smiled to herself at that thought, still cleverly avoiding his signals. Since her father-in-law was a Priest, they were living in the Church quarters attached to the Church; hence the porch was actually the Church’s. She knew for a fact that he wouldn’t create a scene in front of the Church, within the direct visibility frame of their neighbours.
Around midnight, she sensed a silhouette behind her.
‘Get inside or I will lock you out.’ Joshua growled standing at the screeching gate.
‘Just one more chapter, Josh. I’ll be inside in ten minutes.’ She says, flashing him an appeasing smile.
She could see that he was seething with rage because she had made him wait. Sighing, she tucked in the bookmark, uncoiled and followed him back inside, feeling like a lamb walking towards the slaughter house. She hated her bed. She hated every inch of it.
‘Undress.’ He commanded, unbuttoning himself.
‘Josh, not tonight. I am tired.’
‘You think you are smart?’ He grabbed her chin, pressing her against the wall. ‘You thought I wouldn’t do anything to you if you sat at the porch? Try that one more time, I dare you.’ He threatened.
‘I didn’t think anything of that sort.’ She gasped, lying, trying to push his hand away in vain. ‘I was just reading a book!’
‘I threw away all your books, did you buy books again?’ His fingers tightened at her jawline, threatening to crush them.
‘My friend sent it to me for my birthday at Amma’s address. Please, Josh. Leave me.’ She pleaded helplessly.
‘Who is this friend that I don’t know of?’ He questions, his eyebrows raise as did her body, few inches off the floor.
‘Momo.’
‘Momo who? Are you making up names now? You wannabe writer!’ He smirked, malice sprinkled all over his face.
‘Momina. She’s a friend from college. I have told you about her! Now, will you please let me go?
You’re hurting me!’ She slapped his hand lightly to make her point.
‘You don’t know the H of hurt…yet.’ He laughs. He releases her jaw and swiftly grabs her breast, turning off the lights in quick motion, his other hand settles back on her lips, stifling her in an attempt to discourage her from shrieking.
‘Now you will discover the real meaning of Hurt, dear Lily.’
Her name sounded ugly when he said it. She knew it was the doomed night again. The night of punishments.
As his hands squeezed at her breasts harshly, she stayed still; not allowing herself to weep; to not give him that satisfaction of having hurt her.
‘I asked you to undress, didn’t I?’ He grumbles, tearing her night shirt off her body. The sound of ripping cotton and the hum of the ceiling fan was all that could be heard in that room. He pushes her on the bed roughly. She stays still. She could feel her emotions go cold. She could feel herself hardening up. There was no noise in her head now. No dialogues asking her to fight back. Even her thoughts left her alone tonight.
He quickly unclothes himself and tugs at her pants.
‘Don’t just lie there like a robot. Fight back. You know how I like a good fight.’ He sneered. ‘Come on, my tigress, resist.’ His rape fetishes were bubbling up to the brim. She could sense a brutal night closing in on her.
Please me on the bed BECAUSE you are a woman.
She avoided eye contact with Joshua, as they were finishing dinner. She knew he’d motion her to get to bed. She was more than tired today. All she wished to do tonight was to curl in on a chair, at the porch, with a good book and a bowl of nachos. She had already kept the book and nachos ready, well hidden behind the rice sack. She need not go back into the bedroom to fetch the book. She slyly smiled to herself at that thought, still cleverly avoiding his signals. Since her father-in-law was a Priest, they were living in the Church quarters attached to the Church; hence the porch was actually the Church’s. She knew for a fact that he wouldn’t create a scene in front of the Church, within the direct visibility frame of their neighbours.
Around midnight, she sensed a silhouette behind her.
‘Get inside or I will lock you out.’ Joshua growled standing at the screeching gate.
‘Just one more chapter, Josh. I’ll be inside in ten minutes.’ She says, flashing him an appeasing smile.
She could see that he was seething with rage because she had made him wait. Sighing, she tucked in the bookmark, uncoiled and followed him back inside, feeling like a lamb walking towards the slaughter house. She hated her bed. She hated every inch of it.
‘Undress.’ He commanded, unbuttoning himself.
‘Josh, not tonight. I am tired.’
‘You think you are smart?’ He grabbed her chin, pressing her against the wall. ‘You thought I wouldn’t do anything to you if you sat at the porch? Try that one more time, I dare you.’ He threatened.
‘I didn’t think anything of that sort.’ She gasped, lying, trying to push his hand away in vain. ‘I was just reading a book!’
‘I threw away all your books, did you buy books again?’ His fingers tightened at her jawline, threatening to crush them.
‘My friend sent it to me for my birthday at Amma’s address. Please, Josh. Leave me.’ She pleaded helplessly.
‘Who is this friend that I don’t know of?’ He questions, his eyebrows raise as did her body, few inches off the floor.
‘Momo.’
‘Momo who? Are you making up names now? You wannabe writer!’ He smirked, malice sprinkled all over his face.
‘Momina. She’s a friend from college. I have told you about her! Now, will you please let me go?
You’re hurting me!’ She slapped his hand lightly to make her point.
‘You don’t know the H of hurt…yet.’ He laughs. He releases her jaw and swiftly grabs her breast, turning off the lights in quick motion, his other hand settles back on her lips, stifling her in an attempt to discourage her from shrieking.
‘Now you will discover the real meaning of Hurt, dear Lily.’
Her name sounded ugly when he said it. She knew it was the doomed night again. The night of punishments.
As his hands squeezed at her breasts harshly, she stayed still; not allowing herself to weep; to not give him that satisfaction of having hurt her.
‘I asked you to undress, didn’t I?’ He grumbles, tearing her night shirt off her body. The sound of ripping cotton and the hum of the ceiling fan was all that could be heard in that room. He pushes her on the bed roughly. She stays still. She could feel her emotions go cold. She could feel herself hardening up. There was no noise in her head now. No dialogues asking her to fight back. Even her thoughts left her alone tonight.
He quickly unclothes himself and tugs at her pants.
‘Don’t just lie there like a robot. Fight back. You know how I like a good fight.’ He sneered. ‘Come on, my tigress, resist.’ His rape fetishes were bubbling up to the brim. She could sense a brutal night closing in on her.
‘Oh! So, you think you are that smart?’ He hisses, angrily pinching her all over the body, peeling the delicate skin at places.
She just lay still. Eyes shut tightly, hands crumpling the bed sheet with a newfound vigour as she disallowed herself to make a single sound. Warm tears escaped the corner of her eyes as his fingers found the most delicate part of her insides. I am not gonna beg you to stop tonight, you devil. Let me see how big of a monster you can be.
‘You know that I will not stop, Lily.’ He grunts, his hands making way towards her face, and stops midway.
‘No. I will not touch your face. Your parents are visiting tomorrow.’ He says, almost to himself, lifts his body from above her and walks away.
She was breathing heavily, silently sinking the pain of her burning body.
I wish I was dead this instant. I wish I never obeyed you, Appa. I wish I was not the good daughter that I have been to you. I just wish I ceased to exist right now.
Fresh batch of tears gushed out her eyes as she tried to press her legs together.
Jesus, please have mercy on me! Where are you, when I need you the most?!
She knew it wasn’t over yet. She could hear him rambling from closet to closet.
‘Where did you keep the nail cutter, Lily?’
Fear gripped her insides at that question. She was silent.
‘I asked you a question.’ He raised his voice.
Her silence fueled his anger furthermore. As she heard her vanity box clicking open, she knew she would be half-dead tonight.
Cuts, bruises, tears, peels, burns and pain adorned her body the next morning as she sat on her bed with her head hung down, staring at the toenails that were brutally clipped deep last night. She could hear her mother-in-law shuffling through her wardrobe.
‘Wear this.’ Her mother-in-law demanded, throwing a high collar kurta on her lap.
Lilian touched the fabric reminiscing how happy she was the day her father bought this kurta from Rangoon for her to wear it for interviews. You wouldn't have thought this will hide my wounds one day, Appa. She chuckled sadly.
‘What are you smiling at?’ her mother-in-law questioned, with a hand on her hip, moving her lips horizontally to adjust her fake teeth inside her mouth.
‘Nothing Athai. I’ll wear it. When are Appa Amma coming?’ She asks calmly.
‘They will be coming for lunch. You dare not open your filthy mouth.’ She instructs, her eyes bulging out as a threat.
‘You are a woman too, Athai. You know what he did to me.’
She tries to seek out any mercy in the abyss of this woman’s heart.
Inching closer to Lilian’s face, the older woman says, ‘You will have to please him on bed, Lily; because you are a woman.’
She watched her walk out of the bedroom with her head held high. She could see that she was pleased with her son, now that he has expressed his ‘masochism’.
Even the soft cotton could not fondle her wounds today. Painfully pulling down her kurti, she looked at the girl staring at her from the mirror. She couldn’t recognize the person she has become. The once rebellious Lilian was long gone. She felt hollowness settle inside her chest. A strange calmness overcame her. The kind of calm that sets in on the exterior before you break down completely. She checked to see if any wound was exposed outside the clothing; with a huge sigh she leaves her room as she hears her dad’s faint laugh in the drawing room.
‘Your parents are here, dear.’ Joshua announces in a pacifying drawl in the hallway, within her parents’ earshot.
Acknowledging him with a reluctant smile and a nod, she beams widely as her eyes find her dad smiling at her.
‘How’s Mike? Why didn’t he come along?’ she enquires about her brother, perching herself on the arm of the wooden chair on which her father was seated.
‘He has just joined a new job last week. They keep him busy.’ Her mother replies.
‘So, is my daughter troubling you all too much?’ Father asks, his question directed at Lilian’s husband and parents-in-law.
‘No, no. She has been such an obedient girl.’ The father-in-law responded, his smile half hidden beneath his dyed thick south Indian moustache.
‘We were just discussing about her work.’ Joshua began.
Lilian’s father could sense the tension in the room.
‘What about her work? She is still practicing at her office here, right? And when are you both planning to shift to Delhi, as planned before the wedding?’
‘No, mama. I am not willing to shift to Delhi. I cannot abandon my parents here and chase my career in Delhi.’
Lilian shifted uncomfortably in the arm of the chair. Just as she stood up to shift to the chair next to her father, her mother-in-law motioned her to get into the kitchen. She wanted to hear how this conversation in the living room went. So, with one ear still within earshot, she slowly walked towards the kitchen.
‘Who is going to make tea for your parents?’ The mother-in-law hissed.
‘I will, Athai.’ She says, glaring back at her.
In Lilian’s head, Tinkerbell was now pacing back and forth restlessly in her pod. ‘I will? Seriously, Lil? Don't you have a backbone? Your oarents are here, these people can't touch you right now! Can't you give your mother-in-law a piece of your mind?' she shrieked, with aggressive hand motions accompanying her sentences.
‘I just wish Appa convinces them to let me shift to Delhi alright? I don't wanna mess things up!' Lilian consoles herself with that thought justifying her cowardly actions.
‘Don’t you think it is better if the kids are right in front of our eyes?’ She could hear her father-in-law’s deep voice voicing his opinion on the matter.
‘Also, if they move out and become too successful, they will forget their roots.’ Mother-in-law continued, supporting her husband. ‘Children are like trees. If we keep nipping them in the bud, they will flourish horizontally and never leave the ground. But once we let them grow tall, we can never bend them to our standards.’ She finished with a satisfied toothless grin.
As Lilian watched the tea foaming up in the kettle, she knew this silence in the other room is her father’s anger effervescing up to form words.
‘Why do we need to bend the tree at all? Didn’t we give birth to them to watch them grow? Also, with all due respect, dear sister, only bushes are nipped, trimmed and pruned. If my child is meant to be a tree, no amount of nipping shall contain her. And I know my daughter, she is definitely a tree; because I am the one who watered her roots.’
Tears threatened to slide down as she heard her father’s calm reply. Brushing it off, pulling down the sleeve to hide the nail cutter’s incision on her right forearm and with all the chambers of her heart replete with love for her father, she poured the tea in cups and walked out of the kitchen with a smile hinting at her lips.
